Excuses
by almondina
Summary: Rose and the meta-crisis Doctor try to work things out on the beach. (Because no one else has ever written that)


Rose looked at the man beside her. The man who said he loved her. The man whose face had been delighting her dreams and rescuing her from nightmares ever since she met him.

The man who stayed and pledged his life to her.

The man staring at her, waiting for her to make a move.

Rose turned towards him and took his other hand. She gazed up at him. Her heart was leaping excitedly in her chest - it was him, finally, here, with her, forever.

But she wasn't that young girl in the shops anymore.

She hadn't been for a long time.

Her mind was in charge now. Her hormones and feelings thrust into the backseat ever since the first parallel universe she was thrust into.

And he was still waiting. Patiently.

Worry began to crease his brow as the silence dragged on.

Finally, she spoke.

"Doctor," Rose said, breaking his gaze and looking out at the water. "This isn't going to be easy. We can't... I can't just jump back to the way we were... I..." she trailed off.

She realized that she was frightened. She had changed so much. Would he really still love her?

"I know this must be confusing," the Doctor replied with a sigh. "I know it's going to take some time for you to... to think of me as the same person you knew before."

Rose looked at him, confused.

"The same person?" she repeated.

"Yes, right, exactly." He dragged his thumb over her knuckles repeatedly in a nervous fashion. "But I am, I swear I am. I remember everything! I was there when you were attacked in the basement of Henriks by shop window dummies. I caught you when you fell after Cassandra left your body." A distant look came over him. "I held you so tight because I had been so afraid after your face was stolen. I sat beside your bed every night to keep away the awful dreams, remnants of that impossible planet."

He released her hands and cupped her face. He needed her to understand. His eyes searched hers.

"I stood, alone, in the TARDIS, mouthing unspoken words when I realized that I had wasted all of our time, running my gob instead of telling you what you needed to hear."

"Doctor, I know it's you," Rose replied. She tentatively draped her arms around his neck, still worried he would pull away. This was all so new and strange to her. Hugging and touching without pretense.

"You do?" His voice was that high, boyish tone that it took on whenever he was surprised.

"Yeah. Who else would split themselves in two and keep going like nothing odd had happened?"

"Well, there are tribes in the deep craters of - "

"And who else," Rose interrupted with a grin. "Would voluntarily trap himself in a universe with Jackie Tyler just to finish a sentence?" The Doctor grimaced theatrically at the mention of her mum before replying.

"Well, Rose Tyler, it was a very important sentence," he said in a low tone that sent shivers up her spine. He tilted his head and slowly closed the distance between us.

He paused, only an inch away.

"Sorry, I... I don't even know if you want me to - or rather, if you wouldn't mind if I - I mean, well, you kissed me before and that was, that was... that was just brilliant, but I don't want to assume or anything and - "

"And yet you're not pulling back," Rose commented.

"Yes, well, I seem to be... slightly unable to, at the moment. The human mind, you know, quite easily fixated on things. Of course, I'm probably about 85% Time Lord still - the main difference is just the life span and regeneration, but still... fixation on, erm... certain... certain things - I'm sorry, Rose, but I'm going to need a straight answer from you on this. What do you want from me?"

Rose couldn't believe the ridiculousness of having this conversation while only a breath away from a kiss. At least her mum was off waiting for Pete's driver to arrive and wasn't witness.

"You need to understand first - " Rose paused. The Doctor looked at her expectantly. His eyes were so close. She could see every single fleck of color in them. God, he was gorgeous. "Okay, we need to have a talk about this, but I can't do that under these conditions."

"I'm sorry, I just - " He shook his head and pulled away from her completely.

Rose took a deep breath and turned around to compose herself. God, that was hot.

"Really?" The Doctor sounded insufferably amused. Oh no.

"...Did I just say that out loud?"

"Yup," he popped the 'p' in that way he had. He grinned at her.

"Right, ok, well, seriously, Doctor, I know... I know you said... I know what you said, a'right, and - "

"I meant every word, Rose, I - " Rose held up her hand to stop him.

"Please, just let me get this out, ok?"

The Doctor nodded and silently took the outstretched hand.

"It's been almost six years since I came here. I'm not sure how long it's been for you, but that's how long it's been for me. And... I've changed. I mean, I've seen things and fought things and... I crossed so many universes that I've lost count. I've been places that you never would have taken me because they were too dangerous. I've fought, Doctor," Rose looked straight into his eyes. She needed him to understand. She needed him to know that the girl he loved and the woman she was were not quite the same. "I've fought and killed. Because I had to. Because I thought it was the right thing to do, but who knows. I've held children's hands as they died because I had drawn attention to their hiding place when I jumped. I've fended men off with my bare hands because my gun had been kicked aside."

"Rose, why are you telling me these things?"

"Because I've changed, Doctor. I've changed and the girl you - you loved was so naive and so trusting and... I'm not her. Not anymore."

"You think I would stop loving you because you had to fight and kill and survive? Because you wielded a gun? Tell me something, then. When you jumped into the middle of those children's hiding place - what did you do?"

"I heard the gunfire. I saw their faces... I dragged them behind anything I could find, trying to protect them. One girl was shot in my arms... One of the boys told me her name was Freya. I held her hand and told her stories of the universe, happy ones, until she... passed." Rose swallowed, hard, trying to keep her emotions in check. She shook her head to try and clear her mind a bit.

"And what then?"

"One of the men came in. He dragged the first boy over and... He hadn't seen me yet. I hesitated. He shot the boy. ...and I killed him." Rose looked away. "I didn't know what was going on. I could have just killed the next leader of the golden era or whatever."

"So you went in, saw children hurting and terrified, and did whatever you could to save them." Rose looked at the Doctor. "Sounds like my Rose Tyler."

"But I'm different now! And you're just... you're stuck here with me."

"Stuck with you? That's not so bad," the Doctor grinned. "Do I have to get carpets and doors and a mortgage?"

Rose laughed, in spite of herself.

"No mortgage. I live with Mum and Pete. Doctor, I'm serious, though. I can't pretend that everything's the same."

"I don't want you to!" The Doctor protested. "Rose, seriously, look at me, really. I know you've changed. We've been apart for several years. I've changed too."

Telling his over analysis to shut up, the Doctor leaned down and kissed Rose - gently, sweetly, lingering for a moment.

"The one thing that I know, above anything else in this universe - or any universe - if I only know one thing, I know that I love you. And that is engrained into ever fiber of my being, ok? That is a constant fact."

"Doctor..."

"But, if it makes you feel better - and I would do anything to make you feel better," He added in a low tone, winking at her and causing her face to flush. "We'll start again," he concluded in his normal voice.

"What d'ya mean, start again?" The Doctor grinned and stepped back from her. He waved cheerily.

"Hello! I'm the Doctor." Rose giggled, making the Doctor grin even wider. "And you are?"

"Rose Tyler."

"Lovely to meet you, Rose Tyler!" He bounced up and down on his toes. "And may I say, you are stunningly beautiful."

"For a human?" she asked, fighting back a blush.

"For anything and anyone in any time, any place, any universe." The Doctor took her hand, bowed down, and gently kissed it. He looked up at her, his eyes brimming with just pure adoration.

Rose's mind was spinning. He understood that she had changed and he didn't care. But no, he hated killing and guns and she had done things. And he was part human now - what if he realizes that he doesn't... What if the doors and carpets and domestics drive him mad? ...what if he leaves again?

"Rose?" The Doctor's uncertain voice broke into her thoughts. "Is this worse? I thought maybe... Honestly, I'm not sure what I can do - "

"Sod it," Rose said before she even realized she was thinking about speaking.

"...what?"

Rose grinned up at him.

"Sod it. You're my Doctor. And you're here, with me. And even if I've changed too much. Even if I drive you mad and you run off -"

"What?! I would never - "

"And even if the world ends tomorrow. I'm so tired of thinking. I'm exhausted with reasons. You're my Doctor. And I love you. And I don't care about anything else."

The Doctor pulled her to him roughly and held her tightly in his arms. She felt him kiss the top of her head.

"I won't leave you," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "I was forced to do that too many times. I won't do it again. I couldn't. If I run off, I'm taking you with me, ok?" He kissed her hair. Rose pulled back to look at him.

"Say it again."

He didn't have to ask what.

"Rose Tyler, I love you."

"Quite right, too," Rose grinned. 


End file.
